Ease your social nerves with improv

For introverts and otherwise shy people, the idea of a networking event can be paralyzing. Even accomplished networkers can struggle with thoughts like, “What if no one likes me?” “What if I can’t think of anything to say?” Or, the worst: “What if I say the wrong thing? Is it possible to die of embarrassment?”

Maybe you love meeting new people but have a hard time making connections that last beyond the sales pitch. You’re great in a meeting, but you can’t seem to close the deal.

Good news! There’s something fun that can help the timid and talkative alike: the rules of improv.

Improv? As in comedy?

Yes and no. Improv — short for improvisation — has a deep connection to comedy. If you are hooked on Tina Fey’s 30 Rock, chuckle at a Stephen Colbert monologue, or cried laughing at a Will Ferrell masterpiece, you’ve already felt the impact of improv on your life.

But improv is more than just funny business. Its tenets can help your personal and professional relationships, too.

Here are four ways to apply the rules of improve to networking:

1. Yes, and …
Have you ever found yourself at a conversational dead-end? It’s probably because someone wasn’t playing “Yes, and...” In improv, this means you don’t question or disagree what your scene partner says — you accept it as truth and add to it. In real life, it means you accept what you’ve heard and respond with something, then ask a question to move the conversation forward.

Person at Networking Event: “I think cupcakes are the best dessert option.”
You (who actually hates cupcakes): “I usually prefer brownies [Yes], but I just had the best cookie from the new bakery on Main Street. [And] Have you been there yet?”

2. Get out of your head
Seasoned improvisers ignore the first thing that comes to mind because they know the second thing will surprise the audience. Offstage, your first thought is more likely to be self-judgement. Ignore it! The secret is that everyone else is nervous about meeting new people, too. Give yourself a break and fire your internal judge. Relax and focus on the person in front of you. While we’re on the subject…

3. Be in the moment
This rule tells us to listen closely. If you are judging something you just said, you’re in the past. If you are planning what to say next, you’re in the future. Either way, you’re not in the present. You’ll miss out on important details and opportunities if you don’t pay attention to someone’s words, tone, and body language.

Potential Client: “I’m a little nervous about how relocating will impact our foot traffic.”
You (who listened instead of planning what to say about your services): “How much of your business is from foot traffic? Let’s talk about how to recreate that in your new location.”

4. Mistakes are gifts
Maybe you realized that you’ve been mispronouncing “epitome” your whole life. Maybe you mixed up Austria and Australia. Who cares! We wouldn’t have slinkies, microwaves, or penicillin without a few mistakes and a lot of flexibility. Accept that you probably will say the wrong thing at some point. Then, you allow yourself the freedom to share ideas that might not be perfect, but have room grow.

Could you still be nervous about your next networking opportunity? Yes, and now you have a few tools to help you ease on down the road.