You’ve heard the term: microaggression. Even if you can’t define it, there’s a good chance you’ve been on the giving or receiving end of a microaggression. This is because microaggressions aren’t overtly racist, sexist, or homophobic — they are subtle actions or comments that make a person feel marginalized, usually coming from well-intentioned people. Kevin Nadal, a professor of psychology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, defines microaggressions as, “the everyday, subtle, intentional — and oftentimes unintentional — interactions or behaviors that communicate some sort of bias toward historically marginalized groups.”
This is what makes microaggressions so pervasive and so harmful. Because they happen so frequently — typically as an innocent comment or question (sometimes in the form of a joke or an attempt at a compliment), or an unconscious action that plays into a stereotype — that the weight of these microaggressions can add up. This can result in the person hearing them feeling angry and depressed, even resulting in physical health problems.
If you’re still struggling to understand what a microaggression is, some common examples would be:
- Telling a person of color that you “don’t see color”
- Complimenting an Asian-American on how well they speak English, when they were actually born and raised in the U.S.
- Complimenting a Black colleague on how articulate they are
- Telling someone who identifies as LGBTQ+ you wouldn’t have guessed because they don’t “look” or “sound” gay
- Asking to touch a Black person’s hair
- Suggesting a woman should “smile more”
- Touching a pregnant woman’s stomach
- Asking someone with a foreign name if you can call them by an “easier” Americanized nickname
- Clutching your bag or crossing the street when seeing a Black person
Some people argue that this is just another example of political correctness run amok, or people being oversensitive. But while you might think that none of these examples seem worth getting upset over, imagine if they happened to you multiple times a day, every day of your life. In fact, microaggressions have been compared to mental mosquito bites. The reality of dealing with microaggressions from the other person’s perspective — daily annoyances can pile up and result in exhaustion.
How to avoid future microaggressions
We are all human, and even the most sensitive and caring people can make missteps when it comes to cultural differences. But just how are you supposed to fix something if you’re not even aware you’re doing anything wrong? The best way to avoid microaggressions is to do the work necessary to prevent making new mistakes.
Here are some tips to avoid microaggressions:
- Do the work: Don’t ask or expect the marginalized person to educate you on why something is offensive. This is where “do the work” comes in. If you want to be an ally to those in historically marginalized groups, educate yourself. Read a book, conduct internet research through reliable sources, speak to someone who is an authority on the subject — anything to inform you on the type of behavior to avoid or watch out for.
- Examine yourself: Be brave enough to examine your own biases. Are you uncomfortable in certain situations with people who are different from you? This could be a source of bias for you that is worth examining.
- Get exposure to differences: Try spending time with people who aren’t like you — it’s the best way to escape the reliance on stereotypes that could lead to microaggressions. The more exposure you have to different cultures, the more familiar you will be become with things that might otherwise seem foreign or exotic.
- Listen, absorb, apologize, and learn: Be open to dialogue and don’t be defensive. Your intent doesn’t change the impact you have on someone else. If someone lets you know you’ve done something to offend them, think about how your behavior would seem if the roles were reversed. Don’t laugh it off, or explain that you were just joking — make an effort to make it right, and don’t repeat the mistake.
Handling microaggressions aimed at you
What if you’re the one on the receiving end of these not-so-slight slights? If you are always the one encountering microaggressions, you probably realize that you cannot treat every microaggression as a battle — particularly if you’re dealing with them in a work setting. You need to find a line between pointing out these instances and preserving your own mental health. So the first question you should ask yourself is, “Is having a conversation about this underlying issue worth it to me? Is it worth my mental energy?” If you decide it is, you can deal with these microaggressions by trying to start an honest dialogue.
One way to do this is to assign a positive intent to the person at fault, recognizing that if this is truly a microaggression (rather than someone intentionally trying to be insensitive or hurtful), they are not coming from a place of harm. Try asking the person what they meant when they asked the question or made the comment. By asking them to explain themselves, you might open a productive dialogue, or even make them take a step back and realize what they said was inappropriate. You could also reframe what the person said and explain how it came across to you.
If both sides can approach microaggressions as a learning opportunity, these unfortunate situations can potentially help foster discussion and growth rather than just cause harm.
Sources:
“What exactly is a microaggression?” Vox (www.vox.com), Feb. 16, 2015
“Microaggressions are a big deal: How to talk them out and when to walk away,” NPR (www.npr.org), June 9, 2020
“What Are Microaggressions? Their impact is anything but small,” Cleveland Clinic (health.clevelandclinic.org), Feb. 2, 2022
“When and How to Respond to Microaggressions,” Harvard Business Review (hbr.org), July 3, 2020
